Saturday, July 25, 2009

POEM: beyond every why

you melt me
one glimmer of smile
and I am gone
your joy
is mine
and I am smitten
beyond comprehension
such a powerful thing
the love of a mother
for her children
it is the truth
in all beauty
and the reason
beyond every why

POEM: full circle

when you first grew
in my body
I wondered how I could love
another child as much
as I loved my first
so deep has been my love for Megan
I couldn’t imagine another being
coming into that circle
but you, our sweet Daniel
you not only joined our circle
you somehow made it more complete
a loving embrace
to hold us all tight
as if you had been there all along
I believe in some way you were
always a part of us
even before you arrived

POEM: Meggie's Eyes

after you were born
from the moment you opened your eyes
for the first time
dark baby blue, endless
I got lost in their depth
falling deeper in love than I ever imagined
I wondered what they would look like
as you grew

Slowly they turned brighter blue
sharp, searching, focusing
finding my face easily
our eyes locked into long soulful looks
as I nursed you for hours
your stare was intense
even strangers often remarked
about the powerful beauty
of your strong gaze

As the first years began to pass
I wondered if your eyes might turn green
like mine
for many years of my childhood
my mother said I had blue eyes
but when I looked at my face
really looked at my own face
they were not blue
but green
even photographs showed the change
she hadn’t noticed

No one in my family has my eyes
they are unique
my favorite thing
about myself
I’ve never seen the color on anyone else
until the day you looked up at me
barely four
and there they were staring back at me
pale green
like the sea on a gentle shore
and I knew
I saw them
I saw you
finally my eyes were no longer
and on you they are more beautiful
than I could have ever dreamed

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

POEM: if this wasn't me

This isn’t me
I’m the escape artist
quitting before the going gets tough
hiding from fear, from pain
I’m the one that always gets away
dented, perhaps
a little the worse for wear
but not annihilated
not damaged irreparably
coming out the other side
I have often been better than before
until now

Yes, my childhood left its wounds
my escape was a bit too close
for comfort
no visible scars, tho
at least not until I made them so
with layers of fat
burying the deepest pain
hiding it
for all the world to see

But layers such as those can be shed
like a snake
or perhaps not
perhaps more like a moth
emerging from a cocoon
in the cover of dark
completely changed
from one thing into another
I facilitated my own metamorphosis
at the midnight hour
forced to
just in time

Now I am pinned down
like a specimen
the one who everyone will see
as an example
a walking cautionary tale
reminding people to be afraid
for a minute, maybe more
but after that they’ll go on with their day
their life
shaking their heads in pity
at my paper thin wings
now disintegrated
happy not to be me
I understand how they feel
How could I begrudge them their relief?
I’d be happy, too
if this wasn't me

Monday, July 6, 2009

POEM: calendar girl

It felt like Tuesday all day
though it was only Monday
how many moments
have fallen behind, lost

where do they go?

I wish time flowed like water
instead of fits and stops

I wish there was at least one day
that matched the calendar
in my head