POEM: closer still

even with Death stalking me

closer still now
hot breath
moist
upon my neck

I fail
I fall
I forget
to give all I have
to live all I am
today

POEM: veiled threat

who wears the veil
hiding the truth?
what shroud is worse;
is it the one worn by
the woman I was,
blind to the danger
lurking,
growing silently inside me?

or is the one worn by
the woman I am now,
who only sees the world
thru a dark haze,
dimmed
by the endless havoc
wreaked upon my body?

one veil shields
the other reveals,
both conceal clarity
in a misty layer,
a shadow
blurring the precious vision
I once held of myself

I long to shed
this faint cloud
that obscures my sight,
but I find myself afraid
the glare may be too much
and could turn my eyes
to seek the thin solace of darkness
permanently

Poem: pink is not

pink is not my color
i am not a warrior wrapped
in baby-girl shades
draped in softness
safe
i am a grown woman
facing terror
running into it head on
like walking on hot coals
red flames dancing at my feet
or deeply holding my ground
while steel blue waves
toss my body
endlessly
thrashing it upon the shore
but pink is not my color
it is just a tag
a faded label
inadequate
unwanted

POEM: innocence lost

once your body has betrayed you
it is impossible to forget
you can forgive
like a lover that strayed
now seeking absolution
my body has been punished enough
for its sin
but I will always remember
the feel of it
something out of place
not right
and will instinctively go
to that place
whenever a vague symptom
arises
a trust once broken so deeply
cannot be regained

and I weep for my innocence lost

and the freedom it took with it

POEM: yesterday

Wasn't it just yesterday
I sat moody
sprawled on my bedroom floor
draped over my guitar
scratching away on pages
laid before me
like a banquet
feasting upon the youth
of my own song?

POEM: creation vs. destruction

to utterly destroy
obliterate
is to make way for creation
both locked in an endless dance
a tumbling struggle
one defies the other
defines the other
each contains the other's seed
and lays a tangled journey
in front of me

POEM: thru this pen

There is no real comfort
for me now
no haven for my body
to find peace
to retreat into
no deep rest
from this wearying plague
any escape left to me
flows only thru this pen